Let’s Talk Hair Loss, Holidays & Dating…

Let’s Talk Hair Loss, Holidays & Dating…

 

Now that Valentine’s Day has come and gone, l have been reflecting on my early days when leaving the house due to my hair loss seemed to be more and more dreadful.

I often missed out on events with friends, dreaded having to get dressed up and “fix my hair” for holidays where I would be surrounded by family; let alone having to spend hours in the same room with people who had “real” smiles on their faces, rather than the “brave” one I was wearing to just try and get through the day/night (while also convincing myself to not go check my hair in the mirror every 30 seconds).

This also meant that I didn’t date often, as it sometimes felt like I was living a double life, while also fearing that someone wouldn’t like me once they knew “the truth”.

Holidays, celebrations and dating are three things that can cause us to feel pressure or stress in general.

Add hair loss on top of that, and it’s like a rotten cherry on top of two week old cake…. Not pleasant.

Unless you have dealt with hair loss, you don’t exactly understand how hard it can be for those who are losing their hair. Often times, we think we’re being “too dramatic” or “overthinking” it, while also being told that “it’s just hair”.

When asked to go for dinner or have a drink with coworkers after, we often make excuses to not go out - we’re “too tired”, “busy with work”, “have to go home & take the dog for a walk”, etc, when in reality, a lot of the time, it’s because we can’t be bothered to spend another minute worrying about our hair - and we just want to be in the comfort of our homes.

As mentioned, celebrations, holidays and dating when experiencing hair loss is a whole other minefield.

I don’t know about you, but when I first started experiencing hair loss and wearing wigs, I spent many years wondering “what if”.

What IF the forecast changes and I don’t have a hoodie or umbrella?

What IF the wind messes up my hair and my bald spots become noticeable?

What IF a strong gust of wind blows my wig out of place?

What IF uncle Jeff tugs at my ponytail without realizing that I’m wearing a wig and it starts to slip back?

What IF we go swimming during summer break, and someone asks why I’m not going under water?

What IF it starts to rain during prom? Who cares about running mascara or a wet dress! I’d be more concerned about my hair and the amount of hair spray my aunt put in it to keep it in place.

What IF the boy I’m going out with leans in to kiss me at the end of the night and tries to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear? (I’m sure the outcome wouldn’t be like in the movies).

What IF I get too close to the expo line at work and my hair goes up in flames?

These were just a few what IFs that I experienced. If I listed each one, we’d be here for hours. Let’s be honest - we all have had or will have those “what if’ moments.

If you’ve listened to our Instagram Lives, you’ve heard me tell the story of panic when I told my high school boyfriend about having Alopecia.

Long story short, I told him there was something I needed to say and if he wanted to break up, I would walk home (40 minutes in the dead of winter). When I told him I was losing my hair, he sighed a sigh of relief and asked me why I would ever think he’d break up with me over something like that.

Fast forward, while in uni, I dated a guy that ended up cheating on me, and within a week, my hair and eyebrows fell out.

I can’t tell you how many times I questioned whether he had chose to do so because of me wearing wigs..

However, since then, I can honestly say that I have had very supportive partners. They have been encouraging of new hair colours & styles, and have also encouraged me to show off my bald head.

I have even had a few that have tried my wigs on just to make me laugh.

However, as someone who is recently single,  after a long term relationship, it is a scary thought to have to put myself out there and be vulnerable again to that extent.

That being said, since my early twenties, I’ve made a point to tell someone up front so that I don’t waste my time.

However, you don’t have to be like me - you don’t have to tell someone on the first date or second date. You don’t even have to tell them after six months or a year if you’re not ready.

You also don’t have to tell Aunt Margaret that you got a new wig at Xmas. If she asks, tell her you found a new hairstylist that is amazing at doing lowlights. (She isn’t going to know the difference - and it’s not her business anyways!)

We all have our own ways to deal with hair loss, and all of the emotions we feel are a part of our journey.

The good thing is, that you’re not alone. If you’re reading this, and you’ve made it this far, then I hope you know you’ve become part of the amazing hair loss community.

A spot that I can assure you, you will never feel judged or alone.

Whether that means needing some extra encouragement to wear your new wig on a night out,  needing support when telling a friend or loved one that you’re experiencing hair loss, or just needing to cry about the loss- we’ve got you! Just make sure you reach out and connect with SOMEONE in the community.

If I have learned anything over the last few years, it’s that, if someone doesn’t understand your hair loss, or doesn’t make you feel validated, that’s on them entirely. It has nothing to do with you. Whether that is a friend, family member or loved one. We are all beautiful and deserve to feel loved regardless of our hair loss. Remember that.